Class Olympus
by Daebak Fai
Summary: In an effort to get this complicated family of gods and goddesses to bond Rhea has initiated a new plan: Class Olympus! The Olympians (and some minor gods along the way) get together to learn (which is difficult for some) and bond (which is difficult for everyone) ! Do read and review!
1. Prologue

**Class Olympus**

**Disclaimer: I don't own PJO. *sobs***

**Prologue**

It was an average day on Mt Olympus. Zeus and Hera were fighting, Apollo and Artemis were arguing over who was the older sibling, and the rest were having a friendly, peaceful soccer match until Ares fouled Hephaestus and the referee had gone off to tend the sacred fire. Yes, a perfect, orderly, average day. Please note that in this context, 'perfect' and orderly' are synonymous with 'chaotic'.

Suddenly, a golden light flashed, and a woman appeared. She wore a Greek chiton, and had long, flowing brown hair. Even though she looked thirty, the gods and goddesses all knew that she was millions of years old. She was Rhea, wife of Kronos, Mother and Grandmother of many of the gods and goddesses.

"Mother," Zeus murmured, kneeling to pay his respect. The rest followed, and Olympus fell silent, as if knowing that a powerful deity was here.

"You may rise, my children, grandchildren, and second cousins thrice removed." The gods waited expectantly for what she was about say. Why had she come to Olympus?

"It has appeared to me that you fight among yourselves," A smattering of protests broke loose. Rhea's lips twitched up into a grin before continuing.

"No matter what, it is true. So, I have taken matters into my own hands. I have found a way to initiate _Family Bonding_-" Hermes snickered under his breath. _Family Bonding is also another term for the Complete and Utter Annihilation of Olympus,_ he thought, keeping a poker face as Rhea glared at him.

"-and to also expand your knowledge, which is very limited in certain areas. Even you, Athena. Wisdom does not mean all-knowing." Athena scowled. She was right.

"So, this is what I plan to do. Everyday, everyone will be taking a class together, to learn and bond." Rhea continued to explain her plan. Class Olympus, as it was termed, would involve teachers-who could be anyone,even one of the gods themselves-coming in to share their knowledge. The gods actually felt excited about this new thing until Rhea realised that she would need someone to be in charge. She scanned the gods, taking in their strengths and weaknesses.

_Athena?_ No. Even though she was sure that the wisdom goddess was able to take charge, the classes she selected might be a bit too extreme. Learning Algebra and Geometry didn't even appeal to her.

_Zeus? _Definitely not. While her son was the king of the gods,it didn't mean that he had common sense.** (A/N ZEUS PLEASE DON'T BLAST ME)**

Hephaestus, Ares, Aphrodite, Apollo, Artemis, Poseidon, Hades, Demeter, Dionysus, Hermes...no, no, and no. Then who? Who would be able to make sure they could get the task done without getting destroyed in the process? Rhea looked around the room, searching for some inspiration. Then, her eyes landed on a small, mousy haired, 8 year old girl with amber eyes kneeling by the sacred flames, listening all the while. Aha.

"Hestia. You will be in charge." Rhea declared. Hestia's eyes widened in shock, then nodded.

"Thank you, Mother. I will do my best."

**Don't worry, I'll try to input lots of humour into the next chapter. Guess what's the class going to be? Hola, amigo!**

***fizz***

**Butter broke the computer.**


	2. Chapter 1- Spanish

**Camp Olympus**

**Disclaimer: No soy dueño PJO (I don't own PJO) or Dora. **

**Chapter 1**

The Olympians filed into a room which had been converted into a classroom for their uses. Of course, it was lightning proof, water proof, skeleton proof, haiku proof, deer proof, fire proof, bomb proof, etc, etc. Hestia soon followed, placing an orb of sacred fire into her pouch for safekeeping while she was away from the hearth.

Hermes leaned over the aisle to Hestia and whispered, "Please tell me you're getting my deliveries taken care of,"

"Relax, your kids at Camp are helping out."

"Didn't I specifically tell you not to let them do it!"

"Oops. Sorry."

Just then, a brown haired girl walked into the room. She wore a purple shirt and orange pants. She carried a purple backpack with a rolled up piece of paper protruding from it. For some reason, everyone was screaming. Why?

Because. IT. WAS. DORA.

Yes, D-O-R-A The Explorer. The annoying girl who goes on super duper fun expeditions. Was teaching a class. "_Hola,_ amigos!"

"Hestia, you are 100% crazy," Dionysus groaned. First camp for 50 years, then this? He really wished that he wasn't the God of Madness. Then he could scream and go insane.

"Spanish? Seriously? Why Spanish?" Zeus asked three questions of the same context. Rhea was right. Complete lack of common sense.

Then, a IM popped up. "Um, hi dad, oh, and Lords and Ladies of Olympus," Conner (or was it Travis?) Stoll bowed. He looked pretty well, apart from a few cuts and bruises. Did I mention a few campers were being chased by cereal boxes in the background? No? Ah well, at least now you know.

"Oh my gods." Hermes groaned, slumping onto the desk in despair. Connor shifted uneasily, wishing that the other gods weren't here to see this embarrassing moment. Mustering up his courage, he continued.

"Well, about those deliveries..." Hermes sank even lower into his seat as the other gods stifled their laughter. Hestia had gone up to discuss something with Dora.

"Cereal boxes on a rampage, automaton spiders in the Athena cabin and wine bottles flying around the Big House," Connor recited quickly and ended the Iris message. Hermes closed his eyes and prayed that it was all a dream.

"Not the cereal!"

"And the spiders I'd been working on..."

"Hephaestus, you fool! Those things are terrorizing my children!"

"Really, Dionysus? Smuggling wine again?"

"The Party Ponies-Chiron-Peter Johnson bought it!"

"Don't lie, Dionysus! My son can't drink yet!"

"Children of this sea spawn are always up to no good!"

"ENOUGH!" Hestia yelled, as she glared at her squabbling family. Reluctantly, they shut up, shooting dirty looks at each other.

"Good. Can someone wake Ares up before we start?" Hestia pointed at the war god, who was snoring peacefully in his chair. She returned to her seat, and watched as Hephaestus, Apollo, and Hermes drew a moustache on his face (Hermes did it) and tipped over his chair. Ares toppled to the ground with a crash.

"W-what! What on earth is going on!" He spluttered, shocked awake. The Olympians were laughing their heads off, and Aphrodite, of all people, had taken a video to post on Youtube. Ares glared murderously at everyone, until his eyes landed on Dora.

"WHY IS SHE HERE!" He screamed and hid behind his chair, trembling. The gods stared, astounded, at the frightened war god. Ares was afraid of Dora?

"Let me explain," Hephaestus began, jumping at the chance to humiliate Ares once again.

"Don't!" A squeak was heard from under a table.

Nevertheless, Hephaestus continued. "So one day on Mount Olympus,"

Hermes cut in. "Must have been a fine day," The gods nodded assent.

"Ares switched on the TV. And there was Dora, doing something about this weird sound she had heard."

"Oh, I remember that! My friend was having hiccups!" Dora piped up happily.

"Five drachmas she's on steroids," Apollo whispered to Hermes.

"You're on."

"Anyway, Hera walked by and said something about Dora ruining our brains,"

"That's not true!" Dora protested.

"But the five year old Ares, mind you, that was a long time ago, thought she meant Dora would eat our brains, so..." By now, the gods were convulsing in laughter.

"It's not funny!" Ares's yell was muffled, but still heard. However, the gods chuckled harder, until Hestia clapped her hands and said that they would begin. Ares remained crouched under the table, his hands over his ears.

Dora opened her backpack and poured out dozens of CDs. _No way are we watching all those,_ thought Hades.

"Alright, so let's watch all these super awesome CDs, _amigos_!" Well, Hades could always arrange an accident or something. The rabid monkey could eat her and then it was off to Tartarus for her. Brilliant.

The first (of many) videos began. The theme song began to play.

"Dora!"

"Boots!"

"Come on Dora!"

"Do-do-do-do-do-dora!" Artemis wanted to tell this girl to get a life. Honestly, this was sickening. Disgusting behaviour for a maiden.

The screen showed Dora and the weird monkey, Boots, leaping into the jungle. _Tsk __tsk,_ Hera thought. _Where are her parents?_

Demeter nodded approvingly. "Good, good. She's eating cereal." Dora grinned widely as she ate cereal on-screen. **(A/N Honestly, I haven't watched Dora for years, so I'm just making this up. The hiccups episode is true though, I found it on Youtube. The agony...)**

"Please, no more cereal," Hades mumbled. Of course, the episode was on about how all the cereal in the world was stolen, and Dora & Co. saved the day. **(A/N Now THAT'S made up. I think. Hopefully.)**

After the first CD had been watched, Dora smiled, and put another CD in.

"Hestia, I need to go to the toilet," _And stay there till this is over,_ Apollo added mentally.

"Hold it in," Hestia sent him a look that meant, _We suffer together._ His plans foiled, Apollo put on ear plugs and tried to sleep. Unfortunately, Zeus disrupted the air waves once he did that, so all he heard was static.

Aphrodite squealed as she scanned her phone. The other gods looked up, wondering what she was looking at. Hastily, Aphrodite scribbled on a paper and flicked it to the closest goddess. That was, Athena.

Athena opened the note, the scent of Aphrodite's perfume wafting out of it, and quickly read it, for the first time in her life happy that she had been distracted while learning.

_Omg! u noe that video i posted on Utube? of Ares! it got 10000 likes! omg omg omg! Google 'dora the explorer scare' to watch! ~Aphrodite (who is gonna laugh her head off when her __boyfriend sees that vid.)_

Athena wrinkled her nose. The note, written in flowery script, had _such_ poor spelling and punctuation. Glancing up at Dora-she was the teacher, after all-and ensuring that she was still rambling about the video that was playing, Athena folded up the paper, and tossed it to Hermes.

Slowly, the paper made its way around the room, with the majority of the gods snickering and immediately pulled out their phones to watch it, apart from Hephaestus, who frowned when he saw that Aphrodite referred to Ares as 'her boyfriend', but eventually took out his iPhone. _Thanks Steve,_ he thought, remembering his demigod son who had given it to him before he passed away. Hopefully, he was in Elysium._  
_

After watching (and rewatching) the video, the gods could do nothing but watch Dora The Explorer episodes and listen to Dora's endless prattle. Everyone seemed to be descending into various levels of insanity. Hera was swivelling her eyeballs up and down; Apollo and Artemis were flicking paperwads at each other; Hermes was contemplating on whether he should join in; and Zeus was staring unblinkingly at Dora. Dionysus was seriously considering 'resigning' from the job of being the God of Madness. This was seriously going to drive him crazy. Finally, he couldn't take it any more.

Mr. D slammed his fist on the table, making everyone jump. "Stop. It. Now!" He yelled. The pudgy man's eyes turned a dark purple, and vines started to grow from the ground of the room, breaking through the slabs of cement on the floor. Hestia sighed. She had had a feeling that this was going to happen. The others backed up against the wall, and Hestia threw down the orb of sacred fire in front of them. A wall of flames sprang up, separating them from the wine god.

Ares covered his eyes. He had only come out when he saw that Dionysus had lost it and Aphrodite had dragged him to the others.

"Now now, don't be so angry! A happy person is a awesome person, _amigo!_" Dora grinned at Dionysus, the fact that he was probably-most likely-definitely going to kill her not in her mind. Dionysus grunted angrily, and flicked his wrist. Vines started to wrap around Dora as her eyes widened, realising what was going on.

"Wait no, you can't do this-" She was cut off a large vine covered her mouth. Ares peeked through his hands and cheered mentally. This made better TV than the Civil War! Demeter frowned. That girl ate cereal. Such a pity.

Dionysus opened his hand, and the vines loosened for a moment. Dora whooped in glee, as she thought that he was releasing her. Then, Dionysus clenched his hand into a fist, and the vines constricted. With a poof, Dora disappeared. Hestia breathed out a sigh of relief. She summoned the flames back to her, turning in back into an amber coloured orb. The gods stepped out cautiously, a tad worried. Dionysus glared at the spot where Dora was once standing. On the floor lay a purple backpack.

"You know, she's not dead,"

"Sister-"

"Yes, Hades, I know that you wanted to send her to Tartarus," A smile ghosted across Hestia's face before she composed herself.

"She was more of...an automaton, I guess. Mother Rhea sent her down. Not the best choice, I believe, but you all did learn some Spanish, didn't you all?" Grumbling, the gods nodded.

"So, like one of my automatons, except that she had no wires or anything mechanical of the sort inside? Interesting," Hephaestus stroked his beard. Weakness of this kind of things-one hit to it and it will be destroyed.

Hermes walked forward, unzipping the purple backpack on the floor when he realised that there was something apart from CDs inside. He took out a small, yellow bag and opened it. The gods crowded around him to see what was inside. Apollo's face split into a wide smile. The bag was stuffed with steroids, all the different colours of the rainbow.

Apollo nudged Hermes. "You owe me five drachmas."

**Please R.E.V.I.E.W. and tell me what you think? Any suggestions? Sure!**

**Read**

**Everything**

**Via**

**Internet and**

**Encourage**

**Writer**

***fizz***

**Butter broke the computer.**


	3. Chapter 2- Cereal

**Class Olympus**

**Chapter 2**

Hestia sat crosslegged before the sacred fire in the throne room. She closed her eyes, relishing the peaceful silence only enjoyed when everyone was asleep (well, unless Hermes was pranking again). Then, a scroll flew through the open window, landing in her lap. Sighing, she opened her eyes and unrolled the scroll, curious to as to what was today's lesson. Read the letter. Reread the letter. Groaned and read it again. Put her head in her hands and wondered whether the Underworld was open to gods. Finally, she stood and walked over to the window by Bessie's tank, where a rainbow shone.

"Iris, show me Mother Rhea please," She requested, tossing a drachma into it. The rainbow shimmered, then Rhea appeared. "Hestia. What seems to be the problem?" She nodded to her. Hestia bowed in greeting.

"Mother, I'm sorry to disturb you, but..." She trailed off, wondering if she should really ask her this.

"Yes?"

"Um, are you sure that we should allow Demeter to talk about healthy eating habits for three entire hours?" Hestia blurted out.

Rhea sighed. She knew that Hestia would ask about this sooner or later. And the meerkats episode was on Nat Geo Wild now!**(So sue me, but i couldn't help it :)**

"I have my reasons. Trust in my judgement," With that, she waved her hand, cutting the message. Now, time for some TV-great. The thing broke. She had told Poseidon not to have a water balloon fight here when the gods last visited but _nooooo_, he forgot.

_Well, that was helpful._ Hestia quickly revealed her true form and disappeared. Hopefully Apollo would have some ear plugs.

Aphrodite had been walking past Apollo's house when she heard a sudden scream of fear reverbrating from it. Darting to one of the windows, she peeked in. Apollo was staring at Hestia, terror evident on his face. Aphrodite strained her ears to hear what he was saying.

"...we're doomed..." Doomed? Why? How?

"...she said so..." Who said what?

"Rhea...serious...Demeter teaching Healthy...Habits..." Rhea seriously chose Demeter to teach Healthy Eating Habits? Ah, now she understood. Wait, what?

Sliding open the window, Aphrodite leaned in and asked, "Did I hear you right? Or am I hallucinating? Please tell me that this is a dream!"

Unperturbed by her sudden appearance, Apollo replied, "Yes, no, and no."

"Shit."

"My thoughts exactly."

"Then go to the toilet."

"I didn't mean that-"

"What else can you mean?" Apollo facepalmed. Aphrodite was so obtuse.

"So Apollo, do you have any earplugs?" Hestia quickly interrupted.

"Yeah-"

"Good! Can you give me-"

"-but they're hot pink, and Demeter will definitely see them."

Aphrodite squealed. "Hot pink is such an awesome colour!"

Apollo facepalmed again. "Aphrodite, the point is to not get caught with the ear plugs."

"No, it's to look fashionable," Aphrodite retorted.

Hestia intervened before a quarrel could start. "Any ideas on how to survive this lesson then?" They brainstormed for a while, until it struck Apollo.

An hour later, the Olympians went into the makeshift classroom, most showing signs of horror as Demeter walked up to the front. A screen appeared, with the words, Healthy Food Eating flashing across it. She nodded, and sat down at a desk with a laptop, courtesy of Hermes. Artemis cast a curious glance to her twin, who was huddled around a desk with Hestia and Aphrodite, whispering quickly. What was going on? As Demeter prepared the PowerPoint for the class, she went over to them. Unlike Aphrodite, Artemis was never one for eavesdropping.

"What's happening?" She squeezed into the circle, and saw what was on the table. Transparent earplugs.

"Brother!" Artemis hissed.

"Chill, little sis-"

"Do not call me that. I am older than you!" Zeus looked up from his BlackBerry to see Apollo and Artemis fighting again. Seriously, this was getting old.

Apollo leaned over the desk, shielding the earplugs from the others' view. Hestia had to help Demeter with the PowerPoint (or, to ensure that it was not 99.9% cereal) so she left, after exacting a promise from Apollo to hand over a pair of earplugs later. Aphrodite was busily distracting some of the gods who looked suspicious.

"Alright, we'd better call Hermes over."

Artemis nodded.

"You...you agreed with me! It's a miracle!" Apollo mimed having a heart attack.

"Be quiet and tell Hermes to come over," Artemis glared at him. Apollo tossed a pebble at Hermes's head. Direct hit!** (You get 500 points!)** A diabolical grin, and the revealing of the earplugs (which, since they were all in the back row, nobody but he saw) was all it took for the god to understand.

"Nice."

"Dumbass, you helped deliver them."

"I didn't look inside."

"Au contaire, Hermes. Since the 9/11 attack, you've X-rayed all your deliveries."

"Hermes, you just got owned by my sister. Who, by the way, is three minutes younger than-"

Artemis stomped on his foot. "Stop bringing that up! We don't have much time, Hestia says we have only five minutes left!" The goddess of the hearth was standing behind Demeter and holding up five fingers.

"Alright, so do we give the earplugs to everyone?" Apollo grimaced as he clutched his foot. Bruises heal slow. Especially the huge, blue black one forming right now.

"Hmmm, I am still annoyed with Zeus for not allowing me to deliver by air at 15000 feet."

"I thought that you could..."

"Only during peak hour, Apollo."

"No wonder you didn't deliver those arrows on time!"

"Not my fault-"

"That is unexcuseable. My Hunters were fighting a Chimera! The arrows arrived a day late!"

"Nobody died." Artemis looked a tad miffed.

"They came close to dying-"

"Oi! Get back to the topic lunatics!" Apollo pushed them apart before another fight broke out. Dionysus grunted and gave them a look, before returning to his previous stupor. That is, he was dreaming about wine. Zeus sensed it on the airwaves and zapped him.

"Give them to everyone except Zeus and Dionysus. I want to see him blow up again." Apollo passed out the earplugs, leaving one under Hestia's desk, and returned to his seat. Artemis noticed that he had an extra pair. Raising her eyebrows, she gestured towards them.

Apollo scratched his head. "Athena didn't want them. Something about being able to survive this class." Aphrodite managed to hear that. She rolled her eyes. Athena was too prideful. Now she was going to suffer the consequences.

Finally, it began. The gods quickly popped in their earplugs, with the exception of a few. Demeter droned on about cereal as pictures of it flashed on the screen. Hades grinned, settling back into his chair. The sound of silence...the one thing that he enjoyed. Until an unearthly screech shattered it. Demeter walked over to Hermes, who was sleeping contentedly.

"Hermes!" He didn't stir. He must had gotten the high-quality earplugs. Greedy, greedy. Demeter shook him awake.

"What the-" He blinked his eyes sleepily.

"Why on earth were you sleeping? And-JUST WHAT IS IN YOUR EARS!" Demeter shrieked. Hades groaned. She hadn't blew up like that since...he and Persephone destroyed all the cereal in the palace. Ah, the joys of watching them sink into the River Styx...

Hermes cowered in his seat. Demeter looked ready to kill him with cereal.

"Um...my hearing aids?" He fibbed. Demeter frowned.

"You said your hearing was fine when Apollo asked you yesterday," Demeter wrenched the earplugs out. Hermes winced. Hades had better plan a fine funeral.

"Are there any more?" She demanded. Hermes gulped. Should he take the others down with him? Being the noble and self-sacrificing one, he said,

"Yes." If looks could kill, he would be dead.

"Who has them?" Demeter reached into her pocket to retrieve her glasses. Thankfully, Hermes had stolen them.

"Hades, you good for nothing, I left my glasses in the Underworld. Hermes, who has the earplugs?" Demeter scanned his face, searching for any sign of dishonesty. Luckily, she wasn't the goddess of truth.

"Um...Zeus, Athena, and Dionysus," Hermes thought fast.

"I have earplugs?" Zeus said, checking his ears. "No-" Hephaestus clamped his hand over his mouth before he could say anymore.

"You four, detention!" Demeter stated. Hestia shrugged.

"There isn't a detention room, Demeter. I'll make one if you want though." Demeter nodded to Hestia. She pressed a button on a remote. The room suddenly was split into two, with a doorway leading into the other half. Then, Apollo had an idea. **(Whoa, Apollo! Second time today! Good job using your brain!)**

"Psst, Hermes,"

"What, Apollo?"

"Tell on everyone and say that those three didn't have earplugs."

"Okay..."

Hermes gave a gasp of surprise as if he had just realised something. "Demeter, Athena, Zeus, and Dionysus don't have earplugs! They're the only ones that didn't get any!"

"Hermes, why did you tell her!" Aphrodite mock-yelled, seeing where this was going.

"All of you except those three, detention! Get out!" Demeter herded them into the detention room. Hephaestus pulled out a length of chain from one of his pockets (how it fit we would never know) and within seconds, created an intricate lock.

"LET'S GET THIS PARTY GOING!" Apollo whooped, turning the volume of the speakers up (again, don't ask). Hestia sat in a corner of the room and watched placidly, the sacred fire in front of her.

In the classroom, the walls shook with the vibration of the sound from next door as Demeter started to lecture about the nutrients in cereal. Athena stuck her fingers in her ears._ You were prideful enough to get yourselves in this, so get out by your own means._ When she got out of here-if she got out of here, she would have a petition to ban cereal from onto the desk, she thought hard._ To get around Demeter, what would she need? Cereal. And an excuse. Aha._

"Demeter, may I go to the detention room? I heard that they had cereal, so I could bring back some," Athena asked, crossing her fingers. Demeter nodded, and Athena heaved a sigh of relief as she went to the door and pounded on it.

"Who is it?" She had to strain her ears to hear with all that music playing.

"Athena. Let me in!" The music stopped, and she could hear the stamping of feet as the gods gathered around the door.

"Should we let her in?" That was Hades. Of course they should.

"Don't, she'll ruin the party with her boring books." Sea spawn was going to pay for that insult.

"Say sorry for being stuck up, and then we'll let you in," They chorused after a brief discussion.

Gritting her teeth, she swallowed down her pride and called, "Alright, I sincerely apologise for having been overly prideful in the past," The door opened and a rather forlorn Athena was pulled in before it slammed shut. The music resumed.

Back in the classroom-cough cough, dungeon of death- the only one suffering was Zeus. Dionysus was fast asleep, but he wasn't making the same mistake as Hermes. Having pasted cut-out eyes from magazines onto his own eyes, he looked as if he was paying attention apart from a snore or two. (I guess Aphrodite isn't the only one who was obtuse.)

Finally, after 3 hours of partying and what seemed to be 10 hours of cereal for Zeus, it ended. Zeus staggered out of the room, cereal monsters floating around in his mind, leering down at him. So of course, when Athena approached him with a petition that had more than 200 signatures, he readily signed.

**OMIGOD I'M DONE! I IS EXHAUSTED. Sorry, exam time is stressful.**

**Read**

**Everything**

**Via**

**Internet and**

**Encourage**

**Writer (who is mentally tired out)**

***fizz***

**Fai destroyed the computer with her textbooks of hell.**


End file.
